Ask the Wigwam

Ask the Wigwam

Thomas Winzeler, Assistant Editor

Dear Ask The Wigwam,

Will we ever get a snow day this year?

Sincerely,

I Want Snow

 

Dear I Want Snow,

Probably not. The weather gods hate us. It hates giving Texas an actual winter. It hates giving us snow and hates the Dallas Fort Worth area in general. Remember when Houston got snow in December and we didn’t? Yeah, that’s the weather gods saying they hate us. Why do they hate us, you ask? Because they’re tired of seeing people lose their minds when there’s a threat of snow. They’re tired of people running to the stores to get bread, milk, and cans filled with food. People stock up their pantries with cans, their fridges with milk and their bread storage place thing with many loaves of bread. They’re prepared for being stuck inside for days on end with no way of getting out because there’s half an inch of snow outside with the roadways having a little glazing of ice. But all we get is one flake of snow. So now they have a pantry full of cans of food they won’t eat, bread they won’t eat and milk they won’t drink. Spoiling the food and angring the weather gods. The weather gods are tired of seeing this, so last year they said, “NO MORE SNOW FOR KELLER!”

I’m sorry, I Want Snow.

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Dear Ask The Wigwam,

Does nature hate us?

Yours truly,

I Luv Snow

 

Dear I Luv Snow,

Same as above. Nature hates us.

Sorry, I Luv Snow

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Due to not getting enough questions, this issue of “Ask The Wigwam” will have to be short. Thanks for reading and we promise the next issue will be longer.