SAT Melting Our Brains for Nasra’s Master Plan

SAT Melting Our Brains for Nasra's Master Plan

Mack LeBlanc, Staff Writer

How could reading about sour tomatoes and shrimpy husbands be killing us? Well, did you notice after that test when you cleaned your ears that night, they were a little more dirty than usual?

Yes, that’s right, dear reader, testing melts our brains. You’d be surprised just how much brain matter we lose every year. That junk in our ears holds at least five memories and the entirety of the real graded test you have next period.

The sad thing really is the fact that if you’re reading this, you’re probably one of the lucky ones. The more unfortunate cases of  TRBL (test related brain liquify) are seen right in front of you. That girl that you very unsympathetically called an airhead last week, she and her ditzy peers are intensive patients.

Also, watch out for what the youths call “meme-lords;” they are also on the cusp of liquify. Anyone that just doesn’t seem to grasp the concept of caring, at all, about their education, you need to help and be empathetic. [side note: pronounced li-qui-f-ee]

There is no cure; we cannot do anything to save them, or run away from our own disintegration. All you can do is medicate the patients with Starbucks, memes, or anything else that helps them stay in that mindless state.

Now I know what you are wondering, dear reader, “Why would the administration let this happen?”

Well, that’s where it gets dark. Brace yourselves, and if you don’t see me around next week, know the administration read this.

They know about TRBL and what it does to the student body. They know all too well. The administrators want this to happen because if all of our brains melt, they can have a blind following of unwitting minions. Yes, you heard me right, minions. To do what with you ask? Isn’t it obvious? For Dr. Nasra to steal the moon.

Oh, and trust me this, dear reader. He can do it. He’s already got the pyramids and the Las Vegas Eiffel Tower. Do what you can to save yourselves.

I better stop writing, I’ve already said too much. Pray for this humble writer, pray for yourselves, pray for the moon. No one is safe.