TOP FIVE: New Year Resolutions People Don’t Follow

Alison Bracken, Staff Writer

And just like that, another year is over. 2016 has come and gone, and left us with hopes that 2017 will be better. With a new year comes new resolutions of things we all want to achieve and/or change. The thing about resolutions is people tend to not follow them. These promises to do better are easier said than done, but a lot of people do actually stick to them! Yeah…. just kidding. Here is a list of the top ten New Year resolutions that people do not go through with.

5) “I’m going to do more exciting things!”

Aw, yes, a classic. This resolution is usually thought of more by people going through a midlife crisis. The people who are now in their late forties and realized the craziest thing they have ever done is jumping into the pool when it’s a little chilly out. The people who get a thrill from yelling at the car who cut them off on the way to PetCo. The people who spend their Friday nights eating Rocky Road and watching “House Hunter” re-runs. No offense to those people! It’s good that you realize you need more excitement in your life, but we all know that you are gonna get third from the front of the line of the Rockin’ Roller Coaster at Disney World and have a panic attack. Embrace your boring-ness! At least you still have HGTV!

4) “This is the year I will find the love of my life.”

This is the resolution people have to make to get their parents to shut up when they bring up babies and relationships and their “hot yoga teacher who seems right up your alley!” We all know deep down that the person of your dreams comes when you aren’t searching, but to hell with that! We are gonna search anyway! Making this resolution can either raise or lower your standards, but more so the latter. At the end of the day, no one follows this resolution because it’s more difficult than you think to find prince charming in a sea full of frogs.

3) “I’ll spend more time with family this year.”

The family resolutions are always the hardest to follow. It’s almost certain that about fifteen minutes into Sunday’s dinner you’ll want to vomit after hearing about Grandma’s colonoscopy for the third time. You may not enjoy…special moments with your family, but it’s the thought that counts. We all know that by the fourth visit to Aunt Karen’s and all seventeen of her cats, you’ll have enough hairballs in your lungs to choke a horse. This means you’ve decided to give up on this resolution. Don’t be discouraged! Aunt Karen still has her cats! We know that we can’t pick our family, although sometimes we wish we could, but we still love them, ulcers, fur babies and all.

2) “My resolution is to get organized!”

Although being organized is very helpful, it’s difficult to start. The kind of people who make this promise are people whose lives are already beyond repairing, but admitting you’re wrong is the first step, I guess? Being organized is like getting a puppy: it’s difficult at first, but after some getting used to, it’s actually kinda fun. The thing about puppies is that after a while you get tired of cleaning up pee and poop, making you want to give up. Trying to become organized after years of crazy is exactly like that! Minus the pee and poop of course. This brings us to the part we all knew was coming…giving up. You start to slowly let your closet become a pile of clothes and your calendar become messier and messier, until finally…defeat. Although you gave it a good try, we all knew your disorganized soul was too much for this resolution.

1)”This is it. I am going to get healthier this year.”

This is it. The big finale. No matter your size, at some point you will see a sports magazine and think to yourself, “Man…I need to look like that.”