A Guide to College Applications

Michelle Mirza, Editorials/Two Cents & That's Rad Editor

As a senior who has had her fair share of meltdowns at two in the morning, I thought it would be a generous thing to offer my expertise on the subject of college applications. Who knows, maybe this can save me hours of running around doing tedious tasks in a rush to fill up my volunteer hours sheet. Nevertheless, I give to you, a complete step by step guide to college applications. Good luck – you’ll need it.

  1. Cry. Cry it all out, drown in your tears, and hope that an easy on the eyes lifeguard is nearby to resuscitate you.
  2. Collect all the comfort foods you can get your hands on. Maybe you can even organize a junk food drive for you and your fellow stressed out senior peers (you can also use this on your college application so it’s a win-win).
  3. Pull out all of your hair. I mean, you might as well get a head start on it before your beautiful locks begin to disintegrate one by one, all-nighter after all-nighter, essay submission after essay submission.
  4. Cry some more. This is a necessary step that you must take in order to carry on to the next step. Get out all of those tears, it’s incredibly unhealthy to hold them in. And everyone knows our health is the most important thing during this time – just look at all the Doritos crumbs on your laptop. Even First Lady Michelle Obama approves of this step, she might even include it in her Let’s Move! campaign.
  5. Breathe. One, because the oxygen needs to flow to your brain in order for you to continue your applications (you can’t do them from the grave, silly). Two, because in all seriousness, everything is going to be okay. College applications are daunting and it may seem like your whole life and your parents’ lives and your neighbor’s cat’s life is dependent on this moment in your life but do not stress. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe up, breathe down. And then breathe again. Thing’s will be just fine, clementine (a WHOLE lot better than that rhyme too).