Hospitable Takeover

Adam Molson

Asparagus Editor

With the arrival of Dr. Nasra, changes have been ushered in that have changed the face of this school dramatically, causing the student populace to think in 45 minute, 9 period intervals.

“What’s the problem? I don’t see the big issue about Dr. Nasra,” a blind sheep of a student said.

Well fear not, blind-sheep-person, the truth has finally come to light, revealing the most unexpected quality of Dr. Nasra: He is an alien super-villain.

“I still don’t see what this has to do with anything,” the same blind-sheep-person said.

The signs are all there: The temperature of the school has dropped a minimum 20°F since last year in order to maintain his human, not-evil composure. He feeds off the kinetic energy of the students hustling through the hallways, which is why he shortened the passing period down to a measly 4 minutes. Another period was added to the day in order to weaken our will so much so, that we will comply to his every demand even more than we already do. Not to mention the “Welcome to Keller High” banner at the front doors is a beacon so his people may soon find the base of his operations.

“Seems like more of a conspiracy theory rather than actual proof,” the oblivious Ovis aries said.

There is no other reason for all of these changes to take effect the same year Dr. Nasra becomes principal. Once Keller High is assimilated into his army, he will move on to another school, continuing his reign of terror to school after school, until he has an army of insecure young adults to march on Capitol Hill and take control of the United States. I would provide some advice regarding how to avoid this scheme, however I fear it may already be too late.