Down With the Sickness


Adam Molson 

Rants and Asparagus Editor 

Coughing, runny noses, constant sneezing and the vague feeling that you’re next. Everyone knows that feeling. You hear someone cough, your throat tickles. You see someone sneeze, you prepare your sleeve for your turn. And every year, at the last moment, creeping up on you oh-so-slowly, it finally strikes. The common cold has struck again.

Yet fear not dear reader, as you can prevent, and potentially end, this vicious cycle by doing two simple things:
Do not cough into your hands. No matter how many years this strategy has been recommended, very few have mastered this incredibly simple technique. In the event of a cough or sneeze, simple raise your arm 135°, your elbow 90°, swivel your shoulder inward 60° and your head down 45°. Doing so will result in you sneezing into your arm or sleeve, instead of splattering your hand with germs and/or mucus. This method can be typically referred to as “The Vampire Thing,” and, as silly as it may sound or look, do it anyways, for the sake of every door and pair of hands at the school.
Tell people to do the “The Vampire Thing,” because as redundant as this tip may be, it is equally as important as the first. Believe it or not, it seems as though 99% of the “student body” here at Keller do not have time to read this paper, meaning that they would be incapable of reading the first tip, let alone following it in the first place. That is why you, dear reader, the 1%, must spread the news and not the germs, on this subject matter. It may save many students from the dreaded whirlwind that is Catchup Work.

This change may not happen soon, but with the right amount of applied effort, it can be solved. Until then, most of everyone must muddle through allergy and cold season as per usual, spreading germs and the like among their friends, family and classmates.