Super Bowl? More Like Super Bore


Adam Molson, Asparagus Editor

Every year, NFL fans crowd around their TVs, huddled in what would one may call a “party” and others may call a “riot.” Regardless, this gathering is simply referred to as a “Super Bowl Party,” and it is, by definition: a party in which you watch and enjoy the Super Bowl.

Now as someone who can hardly discern the difference between a quarterback and a roll of quarters, I find this may end up sounding slightly moronic, but here is the truth: I do not like the Super Bowl, and I think it is a waste of time and money.

Now before the deathsquads get here, I would like to note how in recent years many of the famed “Super Bowl Commercials” have been released early. Now why is that? Considering you can not answer, I’ll go ahead and say it: Advertisers have realized that alongside being a football game, the Super Bowl is a massive advertising campaign.

Now, why cater to the football demographic, which surely makes up a large majority of the country, when you could directly cater to an even larger demographic, that being the “people who watch TV” crowd. Releasing commercials early gives a larger span to the people that these commercials are advertising to, while stilling playing to the name of a “Super Bowl Commercial.”

And then you get to the football. Now again, as someone who does not foot-the-ball, I will try and portion light. Spending significantly more time, money and effort for a single football game is ridiculous. The winner of the game itself wins bragging rights, a trophy and the nation’s attention for all of 2 hours.

All of this has been without mentioning the halftime show, which ends up being the only part of the Bowl that I watch. Now, apart from the dancing sharks and the firework show, it was nothing particularly special.

To be fair though, for the duration of, and the rest of the halftime show, I could not get over the fact that someone, somewhere, thought it would an amazing idea to put Katy Perry on stage with singing, dancing sharks and beachballs. And honestly, it was an amazing idea, but does not absolve the Super Bowl of the previous statements.

All in all, the Super Bowl was as interesting as it ever has been and ever will be. Just to recap: 90% advertising campaign, bragging rights and dancing/singing sharks. I have a difficult time believing the next will be much different.