Self Expectations

Self Expectations

Courtesy of Creative Commons

Emma Bauer, Staff Writer

This is mostly targeted toward incoming seniors. So, college is a big deal, right? Especially when several members of your family have gone to college and graduated with degrees.

I am going to share something I am very insecure about. College. I have always been a straight A-B student. I made an 1190 on the SAT. I’ll admit I was never heavy in extracurriculars, aside from martial arts, which doesn’t matter because it’s not connected to the school.

My plan was to go to UNT. I applied. They told me they wouldn’t accept me yet, but told me I should try for individual review, or IR, where I wrote an essay and got letters of recommendation, the whole shebang. I did that. Not a word. (Granted, I should probably check my UNT email, but I would think if they ended up accepting me, they would have sent me a letter like everyone else.)

So, I’ll be going to TCC. And that’s fine. I’m guessing things worked out the way they were supposed to. But it hurts. It hurts to see all these posts on social media, the really pretty “Senior Sunday” photos, the official commitment tweets, the Twitter biographies with colleges like OU, A&M, Texas Tech, Alabama, UHMB, Texas State University, Houston, TAMU, Rice, and more.

My mom graduated with a Bachelor of Arts from the University of Wisconsin (a Big Ten university), and my dad got a Bachelor of Arts in econ and political science from the University of Wisconsin and got his MBA from Florida State University.

After not getting accepted to UNT, I feel like such a failure. I feel like I failed my teachers, my parents. I feel like I failed myself. I felt like if I couldn’t make it there, how am I going to make it at all? What is my life supposed to be? How am I supposed to succeed? Why can’t I make it like everyone else? What’s my excuse? Why did this happen to me?

I feel like I fell far below what was expected of me, and that scares me. What if this is a rut I can’t climb out of?

I haven’t made a single “Senior Sunday” post. No commitment picture, or a proud “UNT ‘22” on my Twitter bio. I just stay quiet.

I have to think that this is okay. I have to hope that everything will work out and that this happened for a good reason. Things can only get better from here. I have to hope for that. It is okay to feel this way.

Future seniors, it is okay to not really know what the future holds. It’s okay.

 

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