Why Love Doesn’t Exist

Gwen Morovitz, Staff Writer

With Valentine’s Day so near, I couldn’t help but think about the ideal teen love story. High school sweethearts seem to be on lots of our minds around this time of year, and for those needing a bit of a reality check, I thought I would look into what we teenagers think is “love.”

Looking deep into this argument, it intrigues me that girls and boys of the same age can want such different things out of a romantic relationship. I’ve learned that romantic love doesn’t actually exist at my age, it is just the idea of love that teens are obsessed with. When people fall in love it is often the idea of what someone can become that we become infatuated with, not the actual person.

Ideally we fall into situations where romantic love is no more than a hope that the two of you will grow and mature together through this confusing world, and find yourselves by helping each other through times of struggle. However, the harsh reality is that most times people want two different things out of a relationship.

According to an article on The Huffington Post, falling in love produces a rush of hormones to the brain, including oxytocin and dopamine, that gives your brain the feeling of immense happiness and excitement. With the amount of hormones surging through a young adult’s body it is quite easy that the high felt when with somebody, as a result of hormones, can be misconstrued as a feeling of “being in love.”

It may seem incredibly biased being that I am a girl; however, there is truth in saying that boys mature slower than girls. An article on The Telegraph proves this: “It is a well known truism that girls mature faster than boys. But now scientists have discovered for the first time their brains can develop up to ten years earlier than boys.”

As a high schooler, most girls dream of growing up and finding “the one.” However, with the increased flow of testosterone and other hormones in the teenage boy’s body, some (in fact, most) boys look only for the short term physical satisfaction, rather than emotional attachment like their female counterparts do. It is completely unrealistic to expect a mature and healthy relationship out of a boy who is already so much less mature than you, in scientific means and all other means necessary.

What’s dangerous about this false feeling of “love” is the things we are willing to do to hold onto this love and sacrifices we’re willing to make in the effort of keeping it. While you may believe that this person is “the one,” because of this false mentality and the hope that you won’t have to find someone else, you lose the chance to go out and explore the kind of person you truly will want to spend the rest of your life with. As a sixteen/seventeen year old person, there is no way for you to know just who you will end up with in your twenties or thirties. To believe that you will find “the one” when you still aren’t completely secure even in who you are as a person, is incredibly immature and outrageous.

And it works with the situation reversed as well; boys are just as subject to falling falsely in love and getting hurt and disappointed just like girls. The common factor is age, which interests me because while most of us know that high school relationships won’t last and will most likely never end the way we want, (whether it be marriage or a mutual agreement to split), we still choose to put our hearts out on the line and risk the pain anyway.

With Romeo and Juliet as my most prime example, there is just no way for young love to ever be justified as mature or well thought-out. Romeo and Juliet both chose to make rash decisions in the name of “love,” losing their lives in the process.

In reality, love is more than loving another person. In order to truly be in love with someone, you must have a stable and loving relationship with yourself first. How can we expect someone to fall in love when we are all trying so desperately to find the will to love ourselves in this challenging and harsh world we live in? With the insane amount of hormones and the unfortunate circumstance of lack of maturity, “love” is merely an infatuation of the natural high that comes when the hormone rush is felt within your brain chemistry. There is no love, only hormones and confusion.

Therefore, to avoid going on about a very negative point of view, I believe romantic love does not exist in a teenager’s life.  But as I said before, the fact that even though we know that the relationship may not favor us in the end, we still continue to risk it, which is incredible. But why do we do it? Is it for the temporary high of feeling cared for? Or perhaps the hope that everyone else is wrong when they say you deserve better and should love yourself enough to know you can make it through life without him/her. Regardless of the reason, we still “fall in love” and do whatever we can to keep it even if it means losing yourself in the process. Which is scary, and unfortunately the reality in our teenage society today

Source 1:

Gregoire, Carolyn. “8 Crazy Things Love Does To Your Brain, According To Science.” The Huffington Post, TheHuffingtonPost.com, 12 Feb. 2016, www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/love-brain-neuroscience_us_56bc8e50e4b08ffac123fd13.

Source 2:

Knapton, Sarah. “Girls really do mature quicker than boys, scientists find.” The Telegraph, Telegraph Media Group, 20 Dec. 2013, www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/10529134/Girls-really-do-mature-quicker-than-boys-scientists-find.html.