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How They Really Make Those Green Drinks

Mack LeBlanc, Staff Writer

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St. Patrick’s Day is one of the more overlooked holidays. Yet one thing that we can all take note of is the green drinks served everywhere from McDonald’s to Raising Cane’s (aka: the holy land). Don’t get excited yet people, because shamrock shake? More like sham shake.

They tell you that all the drinks have in it is the regular ingredients plus food coloring and maybe some artificial mint flavoring. Well, folks, there’s nothing artificial about what they are doing other than their marketing.

So what is really in their drinks? Sit down and take a deep breath before I say… Ready?

Leprechauns.

But wait.

“Leprechauns aren’t real,” you say.

That’s what they want you to think, and that’s where you’re wrong. I have some alarming photographic evidence. Disclaimer: this is not for the faint of heart; proceed with caution.

Scary, right? Actually, these creatures are more scared of us than we are of them. They used to be a lively and active population. But they’ve been forced to hide away. Why?

Because of green St. Patrick’s Day drinks.

It’s known amongst medical scientists and doctor specialists that leprechauns bleed green blood, blood described to smell strongly of peppermints as to alert their fellow shamrock boys to stay away through their acute sense of smell.

As we all know, the taste and smell are the same.

McDonald’s and other fast food chains have been taking leprechauns captive and then killing and harvesting them, all for mediocre at best milkshakes. This is an epidemic that, due to leprechaun’s illusive nature, goes unnoticed.

Now, my humble audience, here is what you can do to help:

Call this number: 1-800- SAVESHAMROCKBOYS

Enter your credit card and social security number (mother’s maiden name optional) to this website: SaveGreen.com

And donate to my patreon.

Thank you, from me and the leprechauns.

 

“The Turnip” is a source of parody, satire, and humor and is for entertainment purposes only. Said posts or stories may or may not use real names, always in semi-real and/or mostly, or substantially, fictitious ways. Therefore, all news articles contained within “The Turnip” are works of fiction and constitute fake news. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to politicians and/or celebrities, in which case they are based on real people, but still based almost entirely in fiction.

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How They Really Make Those Green Drinks