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Flat Earth: And Why You Scrubs Should Believe It

Mack LeBlanc, Staff Writer

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Round and flat. The dimensions of life. Everything is either round or flat. If it’s not round its flat; if it’s not flat its round. But what about life as we know it, the planet we all live on? What about the floating rock with water on it that very few of us have ever stepped foot off of? Well, history, science, and every teacher tells us its round. Right? Well, guess what, all those people are scrubs, it’s flat, fight me on it. Let’s go!

Unlike most flat earthers here on this beautiful floating disk, I  do not think we are floating upright like a map is presented. No, I think we are casted like a Frisbee on the wind that is the orbital pull around the sun.

My first point: a lot of scrubs think that since the earth is flat gravity wouldn’t work like it does. Well, uh, how exactly do you think holds all the water and people on the other side of the Frisbee on, gravity, that’s what. Also, side point, if the earth was round (which it isn’t) then why do we say China is on “the other side of the earth?” see, only scrubs contradict themselves in everyday conversation.

My second point: Scientist are really into asking how night and day would work. Everyday we get flipped like a coin. You can believe that God, the spaghetti monster, or Morgan Freeman’s voice does it but something flips us slowly and that’s how we see sunrises and sunsets.  Now you’re probably thinking, “How could we not feel our entire earth flipping?” I dunno how wouldn’t we feel an entire round earth spinning? I don’t have all the answers, I’m just saying the facts, gosh, off my back.

Anyway, I hope you see the only, one, singular, undeniable fact, that we’re all standing on a beautiful giant Frisbee. Thank you for your time; you are officially no longer a scrub.

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Flat Earth: And Why You Scrubs Should Believe It