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Ask the Wigwam

Thomas Winzeler, Assistant Editor

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Dear Ask the Wigwam,

How do you cook a turkey?

Sincerely,

— Confused Cook

 

Hi, Confused,

How would I know how to cook?!?! I’m not a chief! Go read a cookbook or something; don’tt ask us. We’re not Paula Deen, Gordon Ramsey, or some other chief! We’re just a bunch of journalists and people who like to write!!!

Have fun cooking, Confused.

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Dear Ask the Wigwam,

Any more news on Dr. Nasra running for president?

Sincerely,

-A KHS Student

 

Hi Student,

Why, yes, we do have more news. Dr. Nasra is ramping up his campaign and will announce more of his policies after Thanksgiving. Also, there are reports about Nasra working on plans for a rocket to the moon and a shrink ray. So, if you see any tiny students walking around, please don’t step on them or make fun of them. They were just shrunk by Nasra who tested his shrink ray on them. Freshman are more prone being captured and used as test subjects. This is because freshman don’t know any better and think it’s normal for high school students to be captured and taken to the principal’s office for “Reasons.” Sophomores put up a fight, juniors are full out violent and seniors don’t fall for any of the tricks they use.

Happy voting, Student.

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Dear Ask the Wigwam,

Dr Pepper isn’t the best drink and is actually pretty terrible for you. The best soda that isn’t good for you is Pepsi.

Sincerely,

Someone Who Doesn’t Know What They Are Talking About

 

Hello, Someone Who Doesn’t Know What They are Talking About,

SHUT YOUR DIRTY MOUTH! YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NOT TRIED DR PEPPER OR KNOW FACTS ABOUT IT!! Dr Pepper is the best drink in the world and you obviously don’t know a real soda when you see it. How could you say Pepsi is the best drink? That’s like saying,“Texas is better than Texas A&M,” when we all know that to not be true. There are things we all know to be true. These are: (1) Texas A&M is better than Texas. (2) Texas Rangers are better than the Houston Astros. Also, the World Series doesn’t mean anything in the slightest.  (3) Dr Pepper is better than Pepsi. (4) Dr Pepper is better than Coke. (5) Coke is better than Pepsi. (6) Mr. Taylor is the best AP and Principal. (7) The Wigwam is the best news source. (8) Shoulders turn guys on.   

Get your facts straight, Someone Who Doesn’t Know What They Are Talking About.

 

Please send in more questions to @Askthewigwam to its Twitter account. We only got three questions and that made the twitter account sad. Don’t make it sad. Please.

About the Writer
Thomas Winzeler, Assistant Editor
Hello, peeps! I’m Thomas Winzeler! I’m a senior, and you should worship me. If you don’t want to worship me, then you should just kiss my feet or tell me that I’m your god and you worship me. I’m an editor on The Wigwam. Last year I was the editor of the Asparagus section. I...
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